I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
