Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
