I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
