I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
