i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
