i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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