my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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