also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
