I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
