sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
