So drunk, too bad you don't want this
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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