From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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