dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize