You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
