If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
