there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize