I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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