I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
