What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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