i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
