Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
