Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
