If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
