I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize