did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
