Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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