It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
