put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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