just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
