Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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