Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
