dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Randomize