apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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