I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize