so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
