He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
