shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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