tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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