My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
