I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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