He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you never un-have a 4some
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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