did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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