he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
