I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
