im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
why do cheetos always look like penises
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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