Where did you get a picture of my penis
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
