Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
