need another drink. this is the easiest way
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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