I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
