She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
