Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
