Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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