So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
