I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
