We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
These tits shall not be calmed
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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