just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
