no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
