Your dad touched me again.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
