If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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