the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
