He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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