I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
