hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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