you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
