He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize