also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
should my penis look like a turkey
a search helicopter?!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
