This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
