then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
