The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
