I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize