"it" just moved
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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