Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
