I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
