OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize