My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
